Yoshi’s World

I’m facing the computer screen, finding words to describe how I feel at the very moment. There is no bad news whatsoever, that made me pale and silent, nor were any pleasant ones making me calm yet motionless. Boredom as one might call it have an unexpected influence on ones mind, thoughts can be blank and meaningless sometimes. There wasn’t much time that I was thinking as most of the things I occupy with myself doesn’t need to, maybe thinking about what the heck I am thinking do need some thinking. Dreams were lost as though I have a dream guardian beside me, free of charge at the expense of clearing all dreams, good and bad. Well, at least can crap something on the blog, poetically would sound nice, it’s been awhile.

Thoughts wander to distant lands; minds fade beyond reason and sense.

I came to a beach with white sands, the sea ever so clear and immense.

Soon shrouded by fear everyone who came, darkness consumes everything it gained.

Forlorn in those eyes as he laid claim, I resisted in heart burning a thousand flames.

I might say that that’s what I feel while writing, hallucinations and fantasy came during reading, not really thinking as I’m on a "high". I stopped short of making depictions in my head a reality or an art form; i think I’ve lost a bit of touch of it. Overall, I’m slowly losing some things that I don’t really understand myself, gaining in experience while I’m figuring out truths. Guilt and sorrows consumes me, in detail I do not know what happened as assumptions run through my thoughts. Yeah, I guess boredom is really getting into me. A new perspective is needed, and it’s not going to be long anyway.

When your life hits 20, everything seems different from your new perspective, you tend to wonder a lot ’bout what is happening around you. You walk in a street filled with people you do not know, as you walk pass them you go unnoticed or become a subject of their discussion. What they say about may turn out important or just senseless. Maybe when you get to know them, you just try to change the way you were until your true self emerge once you understand that they don’t mind who you really are. It’s a mystery that even though we are all humans, same species, we don’t understand what each other’s mind is thinking. Our uniqueness has made it a complication to another. Assumptions and guesses have resulted in many conflicts that might end in stalemate or a darn satisfying victory. Then again, we are back where we started in the first place, maybe about different topics or just repeating the argument. Sometimes being frank towards the problem might not be as useful as one might think. Truth can in turn be your downfall. No one can ever be sure whether you were speaking the truth or not, convincing you were is like being inside a court case where even though there is only one single truth, possibilities might appear or loopholes exploited that will alter the outcome of the case. Moreover, telling the truth too fast you might risk missing out important points, or maybe they will just accuse you of not taking the matter seriously if they find your answer unconvincing. A clear, firm, honest and decisive reply is needed but also by the fact that the listener is well prepared to take in any kind of answer, good or bad. Never underestimated the power of words, even when you never said a word about anything. It can be very dangerous in many ways and choice of words must be used with caution. Words may affect different people in different ways, understanding the persons way of thinking is crucial, as it tells us what they like to hear or what they expect us to say. Trying to confer the main point of the subject of discussion to the listener may be done in several approaches, long or short, indirect or directly. Effectiveness is another outcome that depends on how well you do it and how the listener take it in. When there really is a conflict, try to hope for a less disastrous one, to help you bounce back faster, enough for a reaction to take place. Some might say time is one of the best healers, but not all wounds are healed by time, especially a fragile one. There must be a substance that helps you do so like medicine. Yet problems like hiding away is not unexpected, one can only hope that time makes everyone realize what had gone wrong. Realizing it may not make some people come back to face it, the fear of history repeating itself is constantly there. Everyone’s huge brain stores unlimited amount of memory that though it’s forgotten, it’s never lost, as it will return at instances of dejavú. At least you do not need to remember it all the time if you run away from it. Some might prefer to confront the problem head on, phobia of the fear may come to your head when you feel insecure of it lingering around and unsolved. Uniqueness of man might have some problems, but our uniqueness has given us the choices of solving things differently. We do not need to walk the same path as we always do, a change of strategy is always welcome in open minds and hearts, whether it is charging it straight down or just climbing over the hill.

  I had my fair share of good days, some might be bad, but then it’s like the end of the world. At least there’s still light at the end of the tunnel. Possibilities are endless in such that even maths have trouble finding, everything about statistic is just an assumption or an organizer. Nothing in the world is predictable to the extent of 100% accuracy, such luck do exist in some ways. People say optimism is the path to "good luck", as it symbolizes a belief that a hope is there and you are in a better fighting chance than others who believe otherwise. Spiritually it has benefits but it is never clear of doubts regarding the effectiveness. There must be a mutual understanding between overconfidence and lack of it. Over stepping the boundaries our weaknesses will appear as nothing is perfect in world that exist the opposites of everything we see or understand. Yet lets not jump into conclusions that everything that we once stood for was right when everything seems to turn out find, as implications are always around the corner. Evolution does not happen in a few days nor Rome was built in a day. Patience and open minds is what took us here now and then. However, we must stand guard to prepare the unknown that lies ahead, question marks are present in every corner. So we must make use of the knowledge we have and the resources available to rise above the clouds for our moment of true happiness. If we must believe in all that we see, let’s not forget to understand it. Belief is hope and faith; understanding is knowledge. Both are powerful in their own ways, a mutual summary of both or a balance of 2 totally different but connected ideology would be a great achievement. When you believe you will understand; when you understood you would believe.

(to be continued… maybe)

Here I am, nvr gone from the current position I am in. Tho there were changes made. I cut my hair short… very short. I’ve had my problems with my parents regarding it, just to stop them annoying me and babbling about it, I had to make that move. Parents tend to generalize a lot of topics, most I might rather not talk about. Let’s just say that my long hair makes me look like a gangster or just crazy. I’ve had my bad days, made them worry a lot, u might say. Gone out till the wee hours in the morning, made my dad tireless and concerned, and it troubled my mom as my dad tends to complain it to her and made it look it was only her thats worried… just as my mom and sis were sleeping soundly. Now at home I tend to talk much less and avoid trouble wherever, whenever it comes. I’m stuck at home most of the time since a brief discussion after I went home late at 4.15am. Apparently my dad woke up 15minutes earlier than his usual 4am. Unlucky but at least it was a darn good movie "Death Note 2". Well, a promise to a friend is a promise, it is gonna be tough when I’m not around anymore for the occasional movies or mamak stall chit chats. I’m not sure when I’m going off but I’m not so good during farewells, so listen to gossips ’cause I won’t say much. Pity I didn’t get to do a bit of travelling myself this few months, schedule is tricky to get off to have a long good fun. Silly me for me to cut off my internet line in a haste but nthg I can do due to some complications and present condition. I won’t be able to talk much but hopefully able to keep in touch someways. For now I’m just doing some bit of "World Domination" and working… preparation for other stuff as well, take my mind off things. Yeah… fill with doubts all the time, it takes time. What kind of doubts u ask? Well… it depends on how u ask n who asks them. Different things may be translated differently by different ppl. Uniqueness is a human way of life, so is differentness. But once again the enormous human population is running out of it, mass production is changing the face of Earth. The only things able to stop it is the human soul. Where is this "soul"? Search yourself as it is the choices u make, the things u do and the ppl around u that truly defines your soul.

Thats all for now, Happy celebrating whatever you guys celebrate. There has been a lot of festivals lately some i don’t even know when till it has passed. I’ll be somewhere, the eyes of a sentry that stood in the tower vigilant and ever watchful on the plains of nature that surrounds him…

Day came day passed it never returns again,
In a blink of an eye everything just disappears.
Memories & flashes ran through our dreams,
Reminding us of what we have been through.
People that we have known in our brief lifetime,
The things that we achieved difficult & simple,
The highs & lows that we have been through,
These are invalueble experiences in our lives.
We humans feel many happiness & sufferings,
For what’s worth it’s just the path of finishing.
To know what we have achieved is satisfying,
To know that we have left a mark in the world,
Before we leave our time on the world in peace,
Before all hell breaks lose on the planes of Earth,
Ensuring that our future generations will prevail,
The battle of survival in the dark reaches of space!

  Something is wrong in my life, I don’t know what went wrong but seriously smtg needs to be done to pull me out of the mess I made. I won’t elaborate much about it, as I’m expressing myself in a discrete way & try to move on. I can’t runaway from it, but I’ll deal with it in any way that I deem fit. These 2 months is not smooth sailing but this week alone seems worse. It’s dejavu all over again. The nightmare have returned to haunt me & it came with a whole lot of vengeance. It’s hard to bear when it hurt me indirectly so badly. I need time to recover but i so wish that it didn’t happen today or these few days when there’s exam around. Ugh… I’m gonna be sick…

  Half the papers have been completed, there’s till bout 2 weeks to go & much to do. Most of us now chills out after a lot of tense exam hours. We might seem relaxed but our momentum to study is still where it should be. We are not at our very best but our commitment is undying. Our purpose & will to desire is still unwaivering. We are at our own pace & we are glad we are ourselves. It is what we have in ourselves that made us unique in our own way.

  Whole gang is spirited after each paper, but not without letting out a shout of grief or feelings about the paper we sat. We stood by each other & we walk down the road to society. We had our cheers & laughters, it’s the way we live by together. I love the gang no matter how tough it may seem, but everything is okay for me. For now, I’m not bounded to anyone but I felt connected to the people I felt dear, maybe it’s just what I need. Alas, there’s always a tough question to solve before moving on to enjoy. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but there’ll always be the Wednesday when I have to go to college for another paper. Sorry guys can’t join u all for dinner. I’m going to be busy for awhile, not sure till when but soon, or it’ll just be Wednesday. Let’s see you guys really read that part… Hahaha…

  I feel that colours do bring out the best in everyone. Bright colours are always best. It brings a smile to everyones faces no matter how dark the day was. It had been raining for quite sometime now, not to mention days. Bright colours to light up the gloomy days ahead. Days in college will soon be over, it’ll be the start of our days in society. Let’s hope we see each other at a right frequency. I feel like travelling as soon as possible, I’m kinda desperate to get out of this life.

  What is the true meaning of life? There’s no such thing as a universal definition for the life that we are living now. We continue with our daily lives & struggle to make ends meat, & we pass away when our time comes in different possible ways. So what does life mean? The choices we make & the life we chose, was it a plan from a higher intelligent being? Why do we do this or do that makes us wonder what is the purpose of humans… Is it a struggle to survive in an unknown environment & pursue a life better than the current. Was it to achieve a better understanding about our fellow man & ourselves to improve, just as the concept of evolution playing it’s role in our lives? What is it that makes us stand out among other life forms in our third rock from the sun, or are we just the same as other living beings surviving to outlast each other from the weather that test our limits, ability & credibility to stay on this planet? What are our options to ever solve this mystery?
  What is happening to the world we live in? We found out that we can’t live without each other, everything is connected to each other, directly & indirectly. What we do in the years before any of us realizing is just shift the balance of nature in our favor. There’s now uncertainty among ourselves that what do we do to make sure everything goes right where it should. However there’s no turning back what we have done for the past few centuries, the choices lay right in front of us. There’s no telling which way is right or wrong, just the choice of what you want to do. There are benefits & drawbacks to every situation, so you’ve got to face the consequence of your own doings. To make war you must have peace to prepare for war. You want to save endangered species, so the indigenous people must suffer. People might say it’s for the greater good, how about others, they have all the right to live. Democracy is great & down by dictators, monarchs! But education is vital to make the system work, or else the system will be useless & life will be controlled by idiots. Choices, choices, choices. You can’t get enough of them. Life just says:" Move on & make the decisions that you feel is right." Nobody is good or evil because they feel it is right. Nothing is justifiable when there’s no end to it. It’s not for us to judge others when things goes wrong as everyone makes mistakes. Yet. in life it’s the survival of the fittest. There’s no margin for error for it might cost you everything that you hold dear in your heart. Victors celebrate, the vanquished just cleans up. Future generations will discuss about them, lessons will be learned but mistakes will be repeated. Yet, time is ticking slowly to the unknown, the lands are tainted. A saying goes," We do not inherit the land from our fathers, we borrow it from our children." One things goes to show that we have our future generations to think about, what do they have to gain from what we have achieved. The knowledge of our success & failures of our lifetimes are important teachers but they must be appreciated & understood. People change, so does everything that we embrace, faith & understanding.
  Life lies within ourselves. We live through everything just to understand ourselves. I haven’t got a clue about who I really am. Maybe you know yourself better, I don’t know. You say that you are right, I am wrong, only the truth & results can tell. Nothing really matters about how you do it. You might have done a lot of right things, yet people remember you for your single slightest mistake. Life gets complicated when you chose it to be complicated. Life is you. I feel that the meaning of life is just the choices you make in life. No one else matters, thus there’s no universal meaning of life I know of. You only live once, & no matter where you end up is just pointless. The meaning of life just ends when you are gone from the world. People follow footsteps but they are unique in their own ways. It’s useless to kill one another when life is priceless & impossible to return when the lifeless is worthless. Nothing is the same. People must move on & improve whenever they themselves see fit. The people around them are equally important as we do share the same planet. People might have different paths, but the choices they make might be the same as their fellow man. Thinking is important before making your choices a reality, then prepare everything that might come. If you fall just stand back up. Failure is when you stop standing. Enlighten me where possible. Life is a journey, the world is a stage, & here I am!

Somehow parking in Subang tends to get tougher by the day, you might think you know the area once you’ve been there for few times (approx. 1 year +)… not to say that everyone don’t know the area, but those living in residential areas of Subang might know better of the situation I’ve been through… I hope…
  Ever since driving there I’ve been hit & hit most of the time… this time a hit & run incident… Residents there knew it was the school bus lady driver who was crazy enough to make a short cut through the small lanes with bunch of kids still in the bus. A loud noise came from the children, & a slight "bang" came before that, when I got out to check the situation, the bus was gone. However, the scene was filled with evidence suggesting that the culprit was none other than a school bus. Yellow paint scratch marks evident on my badly damaged left mirror, the space on the lane also suggested that cars may pass through my car & my tutors car with ease. More conspicuously is the noise from the school kids & past experience from my tutors & people around the neighbourhood points directly towards the lady driver. Alas! Nothing much can be done as road bullys might be terrorising your cars once you made a complaint towards them, that’s what my tutor encountered years before… So it’s better advised that I repaired it myself, at least I had my parents support now with this case.
  Since that incident that happen today about 4pm, I had trouble with studying once more, further more it got me tired as I was figuring out what & how I’m gonna deal about it. The weather was rather humid these past few days & might contribute to tiredness I felt. I guess I did not have the required sleep time sufficent enough to overcome my tired body & I’m further complicating my health without doing something about it (my health)… Oh well, might as well wait till the weekends & it’s coming soon! Yay!Hope it does liven up everyone’s day that a rest provided by the weekends. It does sucks because I have to go fix my car again, waste of time…
  A-levels finals exam is not far away as the first paper starts in 2 weeks… everyone is preparing to make the desperate dash towards the finish line!There’s also those preparing for the tearful goodbyes’ with friends with yearbooks or photo albums to sign & testimonials to fill… Everyone must be somewhere in the world, the world is getting smaller, friends will be seen somewhere, some time, somehow… Coincidence is the word! Planning a gathering is another thing! But hey! Let’s have fun till it last! Yeah Baby!Yeah!

I think I’m in some kinda crisis… ’cause I’m not thinking right! Arghh!!! Confusion & worries!!! Most of it are just mindless ideas & assumptions that my head concocted out of nothing!!! Oh dear… what have I become…? Hmm… there’s a need to change plans… but what’s the plan if I dunno what the heck I’m facing… Haiz… Maybe after few mindless counter-thoughts might do the trick… Lolz…
  Crapping around is kinda effective up till now… oogling artworks is also cool! Found some kick-ass artworks that is very inspiring to me… it made my hand kinda itchy to sketch… lolz! Maybe just a few drafts for the moment… completing, making it a masterpiece after exams!Wow! What an anticipating thought! Hehe… but poems are not in my head now… It’s kinda annoying… especially those that rhyms or has a tune to it… Sorry Geo… now for the moment yet… got wind up with my personal life… not really love life though… Just a hunch that life is not turning fine yet… being cautious…
  Jus had my dinner… feeling bit better than before… negative thinking is a contributing factor to most of my failure no matter how good the reasons may be, example taken in my IELTS writing test… Only got a band6 (overall of 7)… realism is a bit harsh & life just goes on… lolz… In my little world… life is topsy turvy except for what holds dear in my heart, laws & ethics that runs through me is ever present… how it pulls through is another matter.
  Bettter not make it too long… Not sure what thoughts I’m missing out too!  wondering who will ever see this crap blog except the particular few… it’s boring some ppl I guess… Lolz!

There’s certainly a lot of drama yesterday, lot of happenings that might have ended in a different manner depending on how you wanna look at it. Most importantly is walking out of a situation that is not beneficial to yourself & getting over it. By walking out meaning that you end that situation with style & without harm to yourself or others… but also continuing with life & pursuit for excellence.
  I guess going up Genting for a breath of fresh air is a nice beginning for the tough days ahead. Caution is always advisable to prevent me from over doing it. Lolz… At least there were plenty of fun & laughter up the misty rainy mountain weather. Not gonna elaborate much about the trip… but we did almost play most of the stuff there… I din get into the space shot since it looks kinda scary… hehehe… Amidst the rains & dangerous roads, everything was well & everyone was tired. Home was quite a relieve for a days drive through tough terrains. I enjoyed my day with my friends, I hope they did too!
  Trial results are out but I hope it does not affect whoever who may feel they did badly during trials. Not to worry as all is not lost: we might have lost the battle but the war is not over yet!"Why do we fall? : So we can learn to pick ourselves up!" The world is out there, & there’s a lot more for us to learn! It’ll all be worth whilewhen we can say:"Veni, vidi, vici!" (I came, I saw, I conquered! -Julius Caesar)
  Good day n good luck!

Time flashes pass my eyes like it was yesterday… when everything seems so simple & quiet… yet life continues with little me facing a world with lots to see, & it’s a big a** world… I wish to travel to places where I’ve been to get a different perspective in life, the world seems more for my taking than ever before, the chances increase by every passing day!
Holidays seems to be going away, everyone is getting ready for the big thing, arm yourselves with knowledge and rock on!Divide et Impera!!
Maybe life isn’t such a bore when there’s the stuff that keeps u going… when there’s a will there’s a way… I found my way to intellectual enlightenment not because I need to but i want to, I hope I’ll be on my way to my paradise where I’ll have my peace & quiet when I have had my fun. Maybe there will always be ppl that might hate me, but I won’t mind as it’s a choice… so long that it will end like every story that has an ending. Everyone is entitled to have their fun and happiness… friends are bound together by the simple fact that we just wanna enjoy our lives. Viva my friends!